Becoming a Mom...

So people say there's an innate maternal gear that just kicks in when you have kids. To some extent, I agree with that. However, I don't think that would have happened for me had there not be extenuating circumstances. The first night home with the baby was absolutely awful. Barry ended up sleeping in the glider with the baby for a few hours - though I think Joelie was the only one sleeping. Anyway, she was a bit jaundice when they discharged her Saturday so we had to take her to the clinic the next day to check her bilirubin levels. So we took her to the clinic the next day - she had lost some weight (which is normal) but her jaundice hadn't gotten better. So they told us we needed to bring her again the next day to check her levels. Well, the next day Barry went back to work so my mom went with me to the clinic - I still couldn't drive because of the pain meds I was taking from my c-section. So we went, and Joelie had lost so much weight (20% of her birth weight) that the pediatrician sent us straight to the hospital to admit her.

It's quite terrifying when a doctor tells you not even to stop and get gas - that you need to drive straight to the hospital to admit your 4 day old because something is wrong.  I can typically play it cool in most situations- this was not one of them. I was an absolute basket case. I started crying as my mom and I hustled out of the clinic and headed to the hospital. I called Barry when we got in the car and he said, "how was the appointment?" to which I was just crying and said "we're on our way to the hospital." He replied with, "I'm leaving work, I'll call you when I get in the car."

Barry got to the hospital while we were still in the waiting room at the hospital. They finally took us to the peds wing. Two super nice nurses came in to do an initial exam on Joelie. They walked in and said to Barry and me "so you're mom and dad?" I looked at my mom and then back at Barry and said "oh yeah, that's us." It was a very weird moment --- we are the parents. We are the parents and we are in the hospital because something is wrong with our baby. We were terrified. And there they were - the maternal instincts, BAM! They stuck my baby with a zillion needles to draw blood for labs and then they tried to get a vein in each foot and each hand. They blew every vein they tried and eventually put an IV in her head. When they brought her back looking like this... well words really cant describe how awful I felt.

When they came back saying they needed to take her again to draw more blood, I was ready to start swingin. Not cool. But what could I do? They were just trying to help her. And for all I knew at that time, I was the reason she was in the hospital. It turns out she was severely dehydrated, which is why her jaundice was worse. So they told us we had to force feed her every 2-3 hours around the clock. We then had to record how much we fed her and at what time. We also had to weigh all her diapers and record if it was wet and/or poopy, what time and how much it weighed. Imagine two deliriously exhausted parents high fiving over heavy weighted diapers at all hours of the night. It was quite the marriage builder, seriously. The only perk was that Barry got to feed her, which he was really excited about. I had to pump and bottle feed breastmilk instead of nursing because they had to know how much she was consuming. Basically it was sleep for an hour, feed the baby, change the baby, pump. Repeat. Needless to say, it was a long 48 hours. They pumped her full of fluids by hooking her up to an IV for about 24 hours and us force feeding her. She gained 8 ounces over night. It was amazing. They then decided to unhook her from the IV but we had to keep feeding her every 2-3 hours and they were going to keep us another night. After that night, she only gained an ounce, but that was still progress all on her own without any fluids being pumped through her. They decided to discharge her that day.

It turns out everything was working properly in her little body. She just wasn't eating enough and got dehydrated to the point where she got lethargic. Once lethargic, she didn't want to eat and so the vicious cycle continued. On this side of it all, we are so so so grateful that it wasn't something more serious. She is completely fine and eats like a champ - just check out these cheeks!

This little story is really my story of how I became a mom.  I am still not an overly maternal personality, I don't worry a whole lot about her. I tend to take everything with her in stride. But- you can't sit on the sidelines or "play it cool" when the life you helped create is in distress. You realize just how much they need you and depend on you. You gotta step up and make decisions that are best for them - even though most of the time you don't even know what that is. It is your responsibility to make everything ok in their world. Wow, what a job... so thankful I don't have to depend on my own strength the make it through.

And yes - I've jumped on the bandwagon attitude of "it's all worth it." After 3 months, I finally agree with that statement.

Stats:
*Baby's Age: 3 Months

*Baby's Weight: Approx. 12 lbs

*Coolest Thing: Her smiles :)
*Funniest Thing: Her giggles

*Hardest Thing: Leaving her at daycare 10 hours a week. 

*Lessons Learned: Motherhood grows on you.

Joelie's Birth Story

Warning: This is lengthy and detailed. (PS. if you're wondering why we had a planned c-section, please read the November post)

So, it was a rainy Thursday morning... Barry and I woke up to an alarm at 6:30 a.m. and got ready to go to the hospital. Our bag was packed and I wasn't allowed to eat breakfast so it didn't take long to get ready to go. We were trying to be very quiet because my parents were in town and we thought they were still sleeping. Much to our surprise, they were sitting in the family room when we came out so they could see us off (cue the aww's). Dad had to snag a few last-time pregnancy shots. Then, off to the hospital we went.

We checked in and then waited to be called. This sweet little old woman, who was a volunteer, called our name and escorted us and two other pregnant women up to the third floor.  They didn't have me in the system yet so it took a few extra minutes for them to figure out what room I was supposed to go to. I hate hospitals, they completely freak me out so standing around in the hall waiting for them to get their ducks in a row got me pretty antsy. Finally, a nurse took us to our pre-op room. She told me to change into their gown and use the bathroom. Little did I know that I would walk out of that bathroom not only without my clothes, but without my dignity. There's just something about wearing an open gown and knowing lots of people are about to see all you got that is a little disconcerting... So there we are in pre-op and our nurse did a plethora of things we need not go into. One of them being that she put an IV in my arm. I looked away and clenched up because I HATE needles! After she put it in, my arm was freezing!!! Apparently that's normal. My doctor came in to check on me and wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby was still breech so they wouldn't cut me unnecessarily in case she had flipped. I was positive she hadn't flipped, but hey, go ahead and do a $200 ultrasound, no biggie.

After this, they said they were waiting for the first planned c-section of the day to finish up in the operating room and I was next on the docket. They left us alone and said they'd be back when it was go-time. This is when things got interesting. Basically- I freaked out. I was laying there and it hit me that this was really happening. We were about to have a baby. Our lives were never going to be the same. I begged Barry to take me home and undo it all. I didn't want to be hooked up to wires, I didn't want to have surgery, I didn't want to have a baby. I just laid there in tears. Barry tried his best to console me, but let's be real, having a baby is a much different experience for the mama. I just rolled over in bed and tried to calm down. I ended up falling asleep which was really a blessing so I wasn't thinking about what was about to happen. The next thing I know, the nurse anesthetist came in the room to talk to me about the surgery. She asked if I had any questions and talked me through how everything was going to go down. I told her I had two rules, she looked at me a little confused to which I thought "really? you're about to be in charge of me not feeling anything during major surgery, surely I'm allowed to have an opinion." (me? have an opinion?) Anyway, I said, "1. Do not tell me when you're about to do my spinal tap. If you say 1,2,3 or 'here it comes' I'll jump and then you'll paralyze me. And 2. Whatever you do, I don't want to be put completely under anesthesia, I want to stay awake." She said, "Umm, ok." So a few minutes later, my nurse came back- got me and my IV machine and walked me to the operating room, leaving Barry alone in pre-op to scrub up. This was it. No turning back. Game on.

So I walked into (what seemed to be) the 35 degree O.R. The room was so sterile. Everything was white and there were at least half a dozen people scurrying about to get ready for my surgery. It almost felt like I was in the way instead of being the reason those people have jobs. Anyway, my entire body started shaking (what else do they expect when you're wearing an open gown?). They sat me up on the operating table. One scrub nurse gave me a pillow to lean forward on and she stood in front of me to stabilize me for my spinal. They covered my legs with warming blankets because they couldn't do it until I stopped shaking. The nurse anesthetist numbed the area and she stuck me. I didn't feel it- praise the Lord. Even though I'm terrified of needles, I was much more terrified about everything else that was happening that the spinal seemed a bit more insignificant to me than I anticipated. They turned me, pulled my legs up on the table, and laid me down. My legs started to feel tingly, that was kinda cool. Then they put in a catheter, that was not so cool. Thankfully it was after the anesthesia. Next, they laid my arms out to the side, strapped them down, and covered me with warming blankets. While doing that, a scrub nurse went and got Barry. He came in and sat near my head while they put one of those wire tube things under my nose to give me oxygen. I hated that thing. The next part is one of my least favorites. I'm lying there, Barry is looking for my hand under all the blankets to hold it and I feel this awful pinch on my belly. Like a crow had bit me (yes, a crow). I said "Ouch." Then my doctor peeks over the curtain that's in front of my face and says "You felt that?" Everyone loves it when your surgeon says that. "Yes I felt that!" He said "Hmm" So he did a few more things and told me to tell him when I felt something. About 5 seconds later, I said "Ouch" again. Apparently about an inch above where my incision would be, I had complete feeling- it wasn't numb. So he said we'd give it a few minutes for my spinal to take further up. A few minutes later there was no change. So they inverted the table a little bit to get it to travel further up in my spinal cavity. I heard the nurse anesthetist call the anesthesiologist and tell him my spinal wasn't taking. Let me just say how confident I felt at this point - not very. They tested me again and I still had feeling. The anesthesiologist came in, introduced himself, and said they were going to have to put me completely under general anesthesia. "WHAT?!" (I thought). This was the one thing I didn't want to happen. I wanted to scream and cry and have a complete melt down. But I mean, they're the professionals and I'm strapped to a table, who was going to win that battle? They then told Barry he had to leave the O.R. Apparently, they only allow dads in there for moral support for the mom, and since I was going to be unconscious there was no one for him to support. So they put that mask on me and I was knocked out in seconds. *Side note- I spent a lot of time crying afterward at the fact that neither of her parents were in the room and conscious when she was born. I didn't get to hear her cry, I didn't get to hold her right away, I didn't get to see her. I didn't get that special moment with her that every mom raves about. The moment that's supposed to make it all worth it. I felt totally and completely gipped. You think that the one thing you get to do as the woman carrying the child is that you get to be there for the birth. And basically, I wasn't. 

This is the part of the story that Barry filled me in on since I was no comprende. So Barry is sitting on one of those doctor stools in the hallway right outside the O.R. How mean is that? He was freaking out. His wife was about to undergo major surgery. He was about to have a baby.  And he had to sit in the hall. So at this point, he texted each of our parents to update them and tell them they were putting me under and that he was in the hall. Evidently, my parents, who were in the waiting room, started walking the halls looking for him (haha, weirdos!) Barry says that 7 minutes later, they pulled the baby out of me and immediately brought him into the room. They took him over to where the baby was. He said he glanced over to the operating table and all he saw was a ton of blood and he kept walking to the baby. When he saw her he said, "that ain't no boy!" He took pictures of her while the nurses did their nurse thing. Meanwhile, I was being sewn back up layer by layer. When the nurses were done, they wrapped her up and handed her to Barry. He had never held a baby before so when they handed her to him, he didn't move his arms for fear he'd hold her wrong. A nurse took Barry and the baby to the recovery room to wait for me while they finished up my surgery. Barry says he and the baby just sat there, her staring at him (cue the aww's again).

So, Barry and the baby were waiting in recovery for 50 minutes before I got there. I woke up in the recovery room and I was SO out of it. I had no idea where I was, who Barry was, why he was holding a baby, whose baby it was, and was it a boy or girl. I remember being so confused. Barry says I asked the same questions over and over. One of them being, "what is it?" And him responding, "A girl." To which I responded with tears every time, repeating "It's a girl!?" I just couldn't believe that she was a girl, and that she was ours. The very thing I had been carrying for 9 months, the thing that made me puke, gave me heartburn, made me urinate frequently, and had been kicking me was right there. In Barry's arms. Looking at me. She was ours. For life. Yikes.

The other thing I remember most about waking up in recovery was being in the worst pain of my life. There was a nurse monitoring me. She handed me my morphine pump and told me I could hit the button every 6 minutes and it would give me more. I guess I was hitting it about every two minutes and Barry kept saying "it hasn't been 6 minutes yet" which resulted in me groaning in agony. The nurse asked me on a scale of 1-10 what my pain level was. I responded it was a 9. She was shocked and said, "Really? But you're on Pain Med A, B, and C" I only responded with "yes" but my thoughts were "do you really think telling me what I'm on is going to make the pain better?" I guess I was on so much medication that she had to call someone and get permission to give me more. She got the green light, and I don't know what she gave me but it was goooo-oood.  I was too unstable to hold the baby in here so I never did. Then they took her to the nursery to do more things to her (like get checked by the pediatrician, etc) and told me that someone from transport was going to come get me and take me to my post-partum room. A big guy came in and got behind the gurney. He said we were going to my room and he'd let me know when we were about to go over a bump. Let me just say, I didn't feel any bumps. I told you those meds were good :) They rolled me into post-partum and told me they were going to move me onto my bed in the room. The transport guy said he needed me to lift my left leg. In my brain, I laughed and thought "you're kidding right? I can't even open my eyes right now." The transport guy and a few nurses got me onto the hospital bed. They strapped these things to my lower legs that pulsate to prevent blood clots. These things drove me nuts for the next 36 hours.

Next, someone had told me that it would be a little while before they brought the baby to me. I didn't really want to see anyone before I saw her again but I figured my parents were worried about me. The last thing they heard was that I was going to be knocked out for surgery. So I asked Barry to go get them, I wanted them to see that I was OK. I remember them walking in with balloons. I don't remember much else. Then, maybe an hour or so later (I'm not real sure) there was a knock at the door and a nurse wheeled the baby in. I don't remember if my parents were still there at this point or not, but I remember once she was in my arms, it was just her, me, and Barry in the room. I think maybe Barry was the one who handed her to me and before he did, he said, "I've already ruled out Chloe, she's not a Chloe." I was bummed because I really liked that name. I can't remember if her eyes were open or not, but I just stared at her. I couldn't believe it. She was a real baby girl. "She" We had been calling her "it" for 9 months. Calling her a "she" really validated the fact that she was a real baby. Most people start calling their baby 'he' or 'she' at 4-5 months. Since we didn't know whether she would pee sitting or standing, we didn't emotionally connect with her being a real person. Anyway, back to her name. So Barry had already ruled Chloe out so now it was between Samantha and Joelie. We both just sat there and looked at her and simultaneously said "she doesn't have dark enough hair to be a Samantha." We both started cracking up that we both thought that- it was so weird. So then I said, "Welp, Joelie it is!" And now I couldn't imagine her having any other name.

So- that's it: the story of how our daughter came into the world. I'm assuming you don't want the story of how she came to exist ;)

Stats:
*Baby's Age: 9 Weeks

*Baby's Weight: Approx. 10 lbs

*Baby's Length: Approx. 21 inches*Mama's Weight Loss: 26 lbs
*Coolest Thing: Her smiles :)
*Funniest Thing: Her pooping facial expression

*Hardest Thing: Sleep deprivation 

*Lessons Learned: Motherhood is miserable for at least the first 6 weeks

Last Pregnancy Post...

First of all- there is a bare belly picture at the end of this post--if that makes you uncomfortable... stop reading :) I say that because they typically freak me out when people post them on Facebook- I feel that since you've been warned, you can't be freaked out.

A few updates. At my 36 week appointment my doctor was somewhat alarmed at how I was measuring. He ordered an ultrasound saying I was measuring small. The ultrasound revealed that my baby's head was in the 94th percentile for size but the abdomen was in the 1st percentile (aka, really not good). He scheduled me for an appointment with a high-risk OB for the next week. We didn't really tell anyone because we weren't sure it meant anything major - the doctor urged us not to worry stating it could be all kinds of things, some less serious than others. We were actually pretty good at not worrying for the next 7 days- knowing that fretting over it certainly wasn't going to change the outcome. After all, the Lord had already worked out what was going to happen so we just sat back and waited for Him to let us in on the situation. Turns out, when two stubborn people procreate- their baby is a stinker! We went to the specialist and the baby was just in an absolute terrible position to be measured. They ended up reclining the chair so far back that my feet were over my head so that the baby would move. The baby readjusted and they got better measurements. The specialist assured us that everything is fine, he had no concerns about the baby whatsoever and didn't want to see me again! Works for me!

Through all of that, we learned that the baby is breach. It's in the fetal position but the feet/butt are down and the head is in my ribs instead of the other way around. At 36 weeks, they weren't too concerned since it still had time to flip. At my 37 week appointment, the doctor said that it is still possible for the baby to flip but the chances go down with each passing day. So we went ahead and scheduled a c-section in the event that the baby doesn't flip. Well kids, that c-section is in 14 hours.

Talk about a curveball! I had planned on a vaginal delivery for 37 weeks (plus my whole life when I thought about childbirth). It took me a little while to wrap my mind around it. I felt like I had to start my whole thought process over about the birth and ask people all new questions. I honestly felt like I was copping out as a woman by getting the baby cut out- like I'm a wuss. I have since changed my mind and think that this is obviously the way that the Lord wants my child to enter the world which means I wouldn't want to have it any other way. Bonus- I don't have to go through labor! (And no one is groping me all up in my woman parts)

So, barring anything crazy happening- I'll be heading to the hospital tomorrow morning, Thursday November 3rd around 7 a.m. The doctor plans to cut me around 9:30 (time might vary depending on normal hospital stuff) Tonight, we'll go to bed as a family of 2 and be a family of 3 before lunch tomorrow...

Stats:
*Baking Time: 39 Weeks
*MIA: Skinny fingers
*Cravings: Chocolate Milk
*Aversions: Strangers talking to me about my rotundness.
*Worst symptom: A baby in my ribs all the time, oh, and heartburn.

*Lessons Learned: Knowing when the baby is coming is both a blessing and a curse.

Monster Truck Show In My Uterus.

Sorry I've been such a slacker on the latest updates. I'm currently doing about 9 different things in life right now so the spare time has been minimal.

The first update is on childbirth class. Holy Cow. I'm convinced that if you took this class pre-pregnancy, our race would be extinct. This was quite the experience. The videos were, umm, scarring! It's a good thing you can't see that angle when in labor because it's quite terrifying. However, the class was super informative and I feel so much more prepared and knowledgeable about everything. Considering Barry and I both didn't know squat about this whole process, it definitely gave us some peace to be a little more ready for everything (as ready as you can be anyway). And we got a bunch of free stuff like formula, mini cooler, baby blanket, coupons, diapers, so that was great! The best part about the class though was being around people- even strangers- that are going through what we're going through. I will definitely admit that the hardest part for me through this pregnancy is not having a good friend going through it with me (though puking for 10 weeks is a close second to being the worst part). Barry can empathize, and people can give advice, but I think it would have made a world of difference if someone was doing this for the first time with me.

Pity party over. Now for the absolute coolest thing and my favorite part about pregnancy- Watching this monster move inside me! Feeling it move for the first time was awesome, don't get me wrong. But my favorite thing is to wake up in the morning, prop my head up and just watch. It's so surreal to watch a life move inside you, rolling from one side to another with jabs in between. It's just a special time and special moments that my child will never share with anyone else- just me. It is such a blessing. Speaking of which- the gravity of parenthood is starting to set in, just a tad. The thought that this kid only gets one mom and that's me. I'm part of the hand that my child gets dealt and it's up to me what kind of impact that has on him/her. No pressure, ha.

***Sidenote = I have officially broken the 150 mark on the scale. I'm only a few pounds shy of how much Barry weighed when we got married. -Sigh- all in the name of childbearing.

Lastly... I'm 36 weeks now, which means if I go into labor at any point- they're not going to stop it. Holy. Freaking. Crap. Why didn't anyone tell me what happened at the end of this pregnant thing? (just kidding) Reality is certainly beginning to set in. The pack-n-play is set up in our room for the baby in the beginning, the new bedding is all set up on the crib in the nursery, I cleaned out a kitchen cabinet for bottles and such, we are packing the hospital bag, we've put the carseat bases in the cars - it's like we're getting ready for a baby to live here or something :)

Last point of interest- the baby is currently in a feet down position. I swear it's trying to stand up in there considering the pressure I'm experiencing "down there." Say it with me people, Flip Baby Flip!

Stats:
*Baking Time: 36 Weeks
*MIA: Ability to see my feet when I look down.
*Cravings: Milk and fudge pops 
*Aversions: Hot dogs
*Worst symptom: A baby's head in my ribs.

*Lessons Learned: Use your toes to pick things up when possible, bending over is just painful.

Pregnancy Comments

Just a small collection of things that strangers (or acquaintances) have said to me that made me think "really? did that just happen?" Don't read them too fast, let the awkwardness settle before moving to the next one.

Middle Aged Man Outside Hotel: "Looks like you got bit by the peter poison."

Old Man in a Gas Station: "Looks like someone dropped the soap 1 too many times."

Conversation Between Old Men in Front of Me:
Old Man 1: "Watch out, don't run over a pregnant lady"
Old Man 2: "She's pregnant?"
Old Man 1: "Well, yes."
Old Man 2: "It wasn't me."

Middle Aged Man at Church: "Looks like someone had too many bon-bons" (and pats my stomach)

Conversation with Middle Aged Man at Church:
Him: "You're pregnant?!"
Me: "Umm, yep."
Him: "I guess it's been a while since I've seen you. But yeah, I can see it in your face now."

Conversation with My Mom:
Me: "Mom! Look at my ankles!"
My Mom: "What ankles?"

Some "terms of endearment" I've received from people closer to me are:
-Wide Load
-Butterpants
-Waddle Woman
-Fatty Patty
(good thing I have a sense of humor)

Lastly, and this is one of my favorites. This is what someone said about me when I wasn't around:
Girl #1: "Is Alicia pregnant?"
Girl #2: "Yeah, why?"
Girl #1: "Ok good because I know they say that you tend to 'let yourself go' after you get married, but dang, Alicia is really putting on some weight."

Hope you enjoyed these :)

Baby Mama's Latest News

Latest pregnancy updates. Oh where to begin. Let’s start with my bathroom-cleaning story. So I was taking a shower recently at about 9pm and I decided that when I was done, I had to immediately clean the bathroom. I’ve heard about those crazy nesting women- and now I’m one of them. What’s funny is that I hate cleaning the bathroom! But no one was coming between me and my Fantastik that night. Barry came in when I was about halfway done and FREAKED at the cleaning supplies smells saying I shouldn’t be inhaling it. Oops!

Next – the glucose test. If you don’t know, this is how it works. When you’re 28 weeks preggo, you have to drink this ultra-sugary drink and then wait an hour. They then draw your blood to see how your body processed the sugar. This is all to determine whether or not you have gestational diabetes. Well – I failed. My sugar was too high, which means I had to take a more extensive test. Now, think about that one thing that gives you the heebie-jeebies. Maybe it’s snakes? Spiders? Heights? Well, mine is needles! I hate them and they make me want to puke when I think about inserting one in me. (Yes I understand the irony that I’m terrified of needles and I’m going to be pushing a bowling ball through a straw at the end of this) Anyway, I got scheduled to go back a few days later for the long test. For this one, I had to fast beforehand- aka don’t eat when you wake up until the test is over. So they drew my blood at 8:30am, then waited 45 minutes, then drank more sugary drink, then waited an hour, then drew my blood, then waited an hour, then drew my blood, then waited an hour, and then they drew my blood for the final time. Yikes! An hour later, I see a doc about the results. She walks in the room and says, “You passed! It must have been a false positive last time.” While I was ecstatic I’m not diabetic I wanted to scream, “Really? False positive? Why don’t you tell that to the connect-the-dots game you people played on my veins today!” Sheesh!

Now for my latest consignment finds! I went to a city-wide consignment sale about 10 days ago and it was AWESOME! I would have spent some serious money if I knew what kind of anatomy this kid has. However, I got a $150 pack-n-play for $30! I also got a $300 Medela electric breast pump for $75 with all the accessories! Then I got a brand new activity play mat for $5! Lastly, I got two onesies and a maternity sweater for a total of $6. I walked out of there feeling quite accomplished! Thank you Jesus for great bargains!

My last update for today - I've gained 22 pounds. I don't care if it's for a good reason, surely no woman can be happy seeing that scale number grow to heights its never reached before. I've also been told that I'll gain an average of a pound a week from now till the end- yippee! 

At the risk of making this post too long: I'll save my topics of childbirth class, registry, and the baby kicking for the next post! Not to mention I'm collecting a list of all the inappropriate things that have been said to me by strangers thus far. Stay tuned.

Stats:
*Baking Time: 29.5 Weeks
*MIA: Unstretched skin
*Cravings: Chips & Queso!
*Aversions: Carrots
*Worst symptom: Random shooting pains in my abdominal region.

*Lessons Learned: DO NOT LAY DOWN AFTER EATING. Boy, that was a painful lesson.

Top 10 Things No One Warns You About

I want you to know, I tried really hard to stay away from the cliche pregnancy symptoms like "you'll gain weight, you'll get sick, you'll eat pickles." etc... While those things can be quite true, I hope you'll find this list a little more enlightening to the things that people don't warn you about.


10. You get hairier.  Yep, it's true. I won't discuss where. But it would have been nice if someone mentioned that so I didn't wonder if I was baking a human or a werewolf.

9. Your existing weight moves around. I hadn't gained a pound and yet my pants were MUCH tighter. Some might argue my hips were big enough- apparently the Lord doesn't think so. Barry says he's going to buy me a "wide load" sign for my rear end (you should hear his sound effects of me walking).

8. If you're sick, everyone else wants to tell you how they never got sick. How does this make sense? They ask if I've been sick, they get an honest answer (we all remember the rice situation) and then they proceed to tell me how they didn't throw up once. Really? That's great, now I need to run to the bathroom and see the pretzels I just ate in reverse. See ya later!

7. You develop a super smeller. I had no idea that my nose would be quite so attentive during this process. I almost tossed all my cookies and then some walking through Wal Mart just because of the mixture of smells. They say that when one sense is blocked, the others are heightened. I'm going to assume that my blocked sense is bladder control (yes I know it's not one of the 5 senses, but really, it's an issue).

6. You stink. That's right. I won't even address the sweating or the odors it produces. I'm talking about real, raunchy, and unfortunate.... g a s. Growing up with brothers, I've smelled my share of scents that should never come out of a human. Now- I'm one of them. They may not always be loud and obnoxious- but they'll knock you out. Poor Barry - but I mean, he was an... um.. active participant in this whole state of affairs.

5. You get winded easier. I don't mean when you're exercising, I mean just living everyday life. Apparently once you get to a certain point the baby is on your lungs and you start sounding like the big bad wolf from the 3 little pigs. It doesn't take much to make this mama huff and puff these days.

4. The tears. Oh the tears. We've all heard about pregnancy hormones and mood swings. Well, being someone who is already fairly sassy (shocking I know), I had wondered how these hormones would affect me. Well the good Lord found a way. Crying. I'm not a big cryer, I don't like it. I avoid all things sentimental and emotional and have this giant, well built, steel wall around my heart (it's lucky I got anyone to marry me). For Barry, whose wife rarely cries, this symptom has been pretty shocking - he looks like a deer in headlights, and of course tries to fix it. We won't go into that.

3. Normal working digestive system - out the window. I never had any trouble with, ahem, bathroom happenings or belching or heartburn or indigestion or anything. I now realize I took a normal working body for granted. A good burp is like a golden ticket these days. They say if you have indigestion that your kid will be hairy- if that's the case, I might actually be growing a werewolf. The bathroom? Let's just say that if you have everything in working order- thank the Lord.

2. It hurts to crack your back. Now for some, this may not be an issue. I am the one who cracks her back at least 4-5 times a day. And it cracks from top to bottom- it's a glorious feeling, really. The best is the first crack in the morning and the last crack at night. Ahh, those were the days. I can't even turn too fast without feeling like I pulled a tendon or popped a ligament, let alone crack my back. I can't wait for my first, post pregnancy back crack - it's going to be so great.

1. You will get asked the most personal of questions. Now I'm not really a big boundaries person, I just put it all out on the table pretty much all of the time. I don't mind talking about the things that make others blush (could you tell?).  But that people (you don't know well) ask if you were trying? Really? Ok, why don't you tell me about your contraceptives, your ovulation cycle, and your sex positions and then I'll tell you whether or not we intended to procreate. Thanks, have a great day.


Stats:
*Baking Time: 25.5 Weeks
*MIA: Ankles
*Cravings: Ice cream, cake, chocolate- just give it!
*Aversions: Acidic drinks.
*Worst symptom: It hurts when I sneeze.

*Lessons Learned: Standing in one place too long makes me feel like I'm going to pass out.